In God’s Country

My parents are doing very poorly. Their health and ability to take care of themselves is declining before my eyes. This leaves me in a very difficult position and makes me feel very sad.

I am experiencing first hand the difficulties of seeing your parents grow older and struggle with the realities of aging. Our parents are often our heros, role models, and champions. Although I feared my dad because of his rage and alcoholism, I still thought of my father as a larger than life superman. Now, we both kind of laugh to cover the sad reality that he needs to wear an adult diaper.

I see my dad as frail and on the brink of disaster. He drinks much of the day and when I return from work in the evening, he is wobbly, exhausted, skattered and short tempered. Tonight, he lost his balance in the hall on the way to his bedroom and I had to help him get back on his feet. He only had on his boxer shorts.

While I am worried and saddened by my dad’s condition, I am equally concerned about my mom. She has been gradually losing her memory and rationality for the last year or so, but a couple of months ago she experienced some kind of cardiac event that exacerbated her shaky mental state. She asks the same questions repeatedly and can be pretty difficult because she can’t quite understand the limits of her health.

The real problem is that my parents are unable to be there for each other and are unable to care of themselves. While my dad tries to help my mom, he is inept because of a complete lack of patience and the selflessness required to endure Mom’s silly thinking. My mom seems oblivious to both of their frailties and the constant presence of alcohol adds fuel to the fire. They refuse to consider assisted living and constantly deny their own needs.

This leads me to conclude that a fatal fall, an unfortunate accident, or a costly lapse in judgement is less a matter of if, and more a matter of when. I think of things like my mom failing to turn off the over. Or my dad falling on the tile floor and breaking his hip. Maybe my mom will decide to drive to the store and forget where she is. Maybe my dad will drive after drinking a kill himself or someone else.

I am unable to rescue them. I can’t watch them every minute. Neither is it my place to intervene during one of their frequent spats. I am an adult child bystander watching the end of the lives of two of the most important people of my life. And I feel lost and heartbroken at that realization.

OK, I just have to write something to get those yucky movie pictures off the top of the page.

The Bible says that those who claim Christ are adopted into a whole new family – a spiritual family with brothers and sisters because we share the same Father.  Tonight I met some wonderful new relatives at a home-group that I tried.  Four new sisters and three new brothers in Christ.

It is wonderful to experience these new family relationships.  They grow quickly because there is a common bond of decency, authenticity, honesty, and caring.  It is also because the Holy Spirit is real and joins us together as a true family through our obedience to Christ and our praying for one another.

I knew this was coming. It was just a matter of time. I just didn’t know how bad it is.

Tonight I walked into a Blockbuster Video for the first time in a long time. Maybe a year – at the least, six months. It was incredibly depressing.

The movies on the shelf were just terrible. There was sex: homosexuality, lesbianism, obsession, and just plain raunch. There was violence: stories of gang warfare, ulitmate fighting, weapons. And there was horror.

The horror films were the ones I couldn’t believe had actually been made into movies. There were some about blood thirsty insect variants. One about a man turned into a mosquito called Mosquito Man who slashes people up and drinks their blood. Another about a crazy strain of larva who develop a taste for human flesh.

There were a lot of movies about vampires and crazy occult type of mosters. One was called Satan’s Little Helper and featured on the cover the face of some evil looking obviously fake – I dunno – demented boney big toothed wispy haired something or other. (Why is he smiling? Is this supposed to persuade me to rent this movie – a smiling skull?)

There was a couple of different movies about possessed evil toys. I didn’t know that Chucky got together w/ some evil female doll and had an evil child doll, but there is a movie about it. One even about how a possessed evil clown was pitted against a possessed evil marionette.

The one that took the cake – or should I say – cookie – was called The Gingerdead Man about an evil Christams-time treat. Note the subtitle. Oh, and you know how low Gary Busey has sunk – at least he didn’t have to compete for which star’s name appears first.

I just don’t get this stuff. Hello Netflix.

Last week my past came up and bit me hard.  It seems that those things from which I had quite happily walked away had stowed away like a hitchhiker stuck to the hem of your pants. Resolving this matter will be much more painful than picking each sharp seed off my clothing.

Some fourteen years ago, I was in a very painful place with my family.  I was reeling from the realization that the dysfuntion in which I had grown up was now as big a part of who I am as my lack of eyebrows and right-handedness. And, as trite as it sounds, hurt people hurt people.

I wrote a pair of letters blasting my family for the pain I had experienced while growing up and still struggled with.  As is my nature, it was not too nuanced and came across as a slap to the face of each person who received it.

Since I was living all the way on the other side of the country from my family, I was able to avoid the consequences of my actions.  But now, living and relating with them daily, the time has come to deal with these issues from a place of health, responsibility, and healing.

I am confident that God has equipped me to deal with this right now.  That is not to say that it will not be difficult.  Putting this right will force me to re-visit a lot of the pain and abuse I experienced as a child.

My goals are to explain my hurt without hurting; to be responsible for the pain I have caused; and to act without any expectation that my family will change.

I would very much appreciate your prayers as I work through this issue.

As football fans, my Dad and I watched the playoffs today between the Steelers and Broncos (poor Jake the Snake) and the Seahawks and Panthers (Let’s here it for the Seahawks even thought they beat the Redskins).

These games are commercial heaven. I totally love that commercial for Nextel where they guys are dancing to Push It and the co-worker comes in and asks about the routers.

So today, as Seattle beat the snot out of Carolina, I half notice a new ad for the H3 Hummer. I started thinking about this ad and just shook my head at how stupid it is. The Ad is called Safe To Park and you can find it here. Click on H3, then Hummer World, then TV Ads.

So here is what frosts me about this lame ad: They are promoting this vehicle by saying that you can drive it into parking structures. Really?! I can actually purchase a vehicle that will fit into parking structures?! Gosh, I’m not sure if other cars can do that.

You gotta be kidding me!! Buy this car so you can park it in a structure. It makes me so irritated I’m unable to type out all of the sarcastic comments that this evokes.

This morning was so awesome I would like to share it with the blogosphere. I went to one of my favorite beaches, La Jolla Shores. During my adolescence, I spent a lot of time at La Jolla Shores. (By the way, it’s pronounced La Hoya – like the Georgetown University mascot).

I went surfing last weekend at Sunset Cliffs. It was about head high, which is pretty big. I had no business being out there. On top of that, I was wearing a wetsuit that was too small. That makes it difficult to paddle – like your arms are being confined by big rubber bands. I was able to get outside the surfline, and caught a couple of waves, but after 14 years of being landlocked in Fairfax, I should have stayed on the beach.

So I got a wetsuit that fit much better and went out this morning at the Shores. The sun was out, the surf was about 3 to 4 feet, the water was glassy. It was great surfing conditions for me. I caught about half a dozen waves and stayed out until my feet were numb (the water temp was very chilly). It was a great morning.

I’m living across the country from my family.  My wife and I miss the big things and…the little things.  We really miss each other.

For example, today I got my hair cut.  I told my wife and that made her said.  You see, she likes to inspect my new haircuts.  So, here is a photo just for her so she can check out the new do.

Today I went to a luncheon where Dennis Prager was the speaker. I have always liked Dennis Prager because he is a pragmatic idealist. That is, he conveys great ideals and vision in a practical way.

His speech today was a perfect example of practical idealism. He used three common elements on every piece of U.S. currency to illustrate the civil war that is occuring all around us.

Those three common elemets are the mottos E Plurbus Unum, Liberty, and In God We Trust.

Prager demonstrated that where you fall regarding these three mottos is where you fall in today’s civil war – as a supporter of a traditional America that can be most easily characterized as conservative, or as a supporter of a progressive America that can be most easily characterized as liberal.

Here is a quick summary of his argument:

E Plurbus Unum - Out of Many One. This motto describes the conservative viewt that Americans don’t care where you come from, but that now that you are an American, you are one of us. Alternatively, liberals hold the mistaken understanding that America is a collection of divesity of From One, Many – as an incorrect Al Gore quoted in 2000.

Liberty – here Prager juxtaposed the mutually exclusivity of liberty vs equality; conservatives supporting the notion of equality of opportunity as an expression of liberty and liberals supporting the notion of equality of outcome.
In God We Trust – Discussing this motto, I felt, Prager was most eloquent. Here Prager pointed out that without a trust in God – and specifically the Judeo-Christian God – man cannot help but become dehumanized and subject to exploitation. A trust in God provides inherent value to man and separates us from animals and the anti-conscience of animals.

Our fight today, says Prager, is a practical one: to defend our unity as a Americans, to defend our liberty from collectivism, and to defend our dignity as humans created by God.

I originally wrote about the Celebration of Death in March of last year, with respect to the Terri Schiavo matter. My argument is pretty much the same. I am not going to hold my breath waiting for the dancing and celebration in Washington and other states that you can now kill yourself with the approval of the voters. But it would be nice to see these supports be truly honest and truly celebrate death.

It’s a battle of the titans. The Supreme Being vs. the supreme operating system.

The AP reported today that a Washington state pastor has called for a national boycott of computer giants Microsoft and Hewlett-Packard. This is due to their support for a piece of state legislation that would include ’sexual orientation’ in its’ list of protected classes. Microsoft and Hewlett-Packard have a history of providing company benefits to same-sex couples.

I understand how some people can be upset. It seems that legislation promoting homosexuality and non-traditional lifestyles is gaining support across the country and around the world. I am opposed to granting rights based on sexual preference or whether someone may identify themselves as gay or straight.

I guess this tactic worked last year. But I am just not convinced that 1) people aligned with traditional values are going to stop using the most dominant computer operating system in the world, and 2) that even if Christians did stop using Microsoft software or Hewlett-Packard hardware that it would affect the legislative outcome of this bill in Washington state.

Think about it. Electronic bibles are programmed to run on Microsoft. Christian educational programs and video games run on Windows. I imagine that a lot of Christian ministries entire systems run on Hewlett-Packard printers and Windows. Are they supposed to stop working?

Niether am I convinced that there is any trend in supporting rights based on sexual orientation. In fact, the Washington state matter is only news because one State Senator has stated that he would change his vote to support the bill. Everywhere else across the country, support for traditional marriage is growing.

If you really want to affect change, instead of going after two global corporations go after the elected representatives of Washington State. Better yet, target Washington State Senator Bill Finkbeiner who determines his votes by checking with Microsoft. (I thought it was tantamount to a crime to reflect the interests of corporations in the legislative process.)

Finkbeiner made this statment to explain his change: “I’ve had a number of conversations over the past year that have led me to more fully understand the level of discrimination against gays and lesbians, and I now find it is both appropriate and necessary for the state to make it clear that this is not acceptable.”

I wonder if he met with any individuals who formerly identified themselves as gay or lesbian and asked them about the discrimination they experience? (Oops, not supposed to mention the ex-gays.)

I’ll root and pray for the failure of the Washington State measure. But I’m not going to stop using Microsoft or Hewlett-Packard. I mean, how could I post this otherwise?